When Home Does not feel like Home!

Today I came home from Rosedale Mall with my two kids.

It’s winter in Minnesota, and walking inside the mall has always been one of those simple things my family and I love to do—warm floors, window shopping, time together. For years, walking through the mall has been a way for me to let go of stress, to be present, to momentarily step away from responsibilities. Today was different.

I walked with awareness not the peaceful kind but the heavy kind. My eyes scanned constantly. My body stayed alert. My heart whispered one thing over and over: Get home safe.

I found myself asking questions I never imagined I would ask after 15 years of calling this place home:

What is happening to my city, Roseville?

To my state, Minnesota?

To this country, the United States, that I love.

This past Saturday, I attended a training on ICE and what communities can do. I’ll be honest, it was a lot. Too much, maybe. So much information that instead of feeling empowered, I walked away more nervous than I have ever been as an immigrant.

I felt everything.

Fear.

Anger.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

Hope.

Willingness.

What moved me most was that everyone in the room wanted to help. People wanted to be invited in. They wanted to do something, anything, to stand with immigrant communities and small business owners. In my small group, I shared something simple: Be around us. Come hang out. Show up. Sit with us.

Even in dark times, I saw light in that idea, neighbors meeting neighbors, friendships forming, community being built when we need it most. And yet, when asked to distribute information afterward, I froze. I didn’t know if I was ready.

I’ve been asking myself: Should I even write this month's blog?

Every day this month feels like it could be documented. There is so much in my heart and head, yet some how I feel speechless. Is it fear? Is it hurt? I don’t fully know. What I do know is this: it’s not because I lack freedom of speech. This country has given me freedom, joy, hope, and has taught me the meaning of perseverance and hardship. I am deeply grateful.

And still—I am sad. I am frustrated.

This time last year, I was in Nepal filled with hope. I was dreaming big as a businesswoman. I wanted Minnesota and the country to experience Nepali culture, tradition, and art through my boutique at Namaste. My days were full. My calendar was planned. I knew what I wanted to do, where I needed to be, and how to build that bridge between Nepali artisans and customers here in the U.S.

I connected deeply with beautiful Nepali women who trusted me with their art and their hope.

2025 was a good year. I learned so much. After five years as an entrepreneur, I truly believed I was finally seeing breakthroughs.

At the start of this year, I intentionally slowed down. I rested with my family. I didn’t over-plan. I thought, I’ve learned how to work smart. And yet, in just three weeks, my energy, heart, and strength felt shattered.

The political situation in Minnesota, especially around ICE, anger, and protests has created fear, uncertainty, and self-doubt I didn’t expect.

I’ve lived in Minnesota since 2011. I’ve been loved here. Supported here. People have always asked me with curiosity where I’m from, and I loved sharing my story. Today, it’s not the same.

My heart breaks hearing that friends and community members are hiding. Some don’t have food. Children aren’t going to school. In board meetings and community gatherings, I’ve seen people shaken, crying, confused, exhausted.

I’ve moved through denial.

Anger.

Hope.

Confusion.

Moments where reality didn’t feel real at all. I’m not afraid for myself but I’m trying to live fully in an environment that doesn’t always feel safe. People have encouraged me to carry my passport. I’ve refused. I lose my car keys most days. I don’t want to lose my passport too. People ask if I feel safe and I say yes. Others tell me to close my shop. I jokingly respond, “If you pay my bills, I’ll think about it.”

My "Do Good Roseville" community has shown up driving by my business and my home just to make sure I’m okay. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a burden. Maybe it’s both.

What I do know is this: I keep showing up.

I’ve kept showing up at Namaste Brows and Boutique. Customer traffic is slower, so we’ve shortened hours. I’m grateful I can make that choice.

Two weeks ago, I had a complete meltdown alone. Thank God I was alone. I don’t want my kids or my husband to carry emotions I’m still trying to understand myself. Showing up like everything is fine for family, friends, and customers has not been easy. I used to think being strong meant doing more.

I thought I was a strong woman. Am I?

Now I wonder if strength looks different.

If strength means opening the shop every day, then yes.

If it means having honest conversations with my children about what’s happening, then yes.

If it means continuing to serve seniors, teen moms, and community boards, even when I’m tired, then yes.

Strength doesn’t mean you don’t fall apart. It means you keep going anyway.

Recently, I called a close friend and told her I felt unseen. She admitted something that stayed with me. She said, “Every time I see you, you’re well dressed, put together, on time with your kids. I thought you were okay.” To all the bold, strong women who keep glowing please hear this:

You are allowed to have a heart.

You are allowed to need support.

You are allowed to melt down.

I see you.

I’m learning to just be. To let go of always being the light, the motivator, the one who holds everyone else together. Even in the darkest seasons, I believe this will pass and that we are growing through it.

As the owner of Namaste Brows and Boutique, I want to thank every customer who has shown up in the last three weeks. Your presence means more than you know. We need you in this season. In February, I’m planning daily, fun, community-centered activities at the shop. I want ICE to stand for Inclusive Community Express bringing small joys, memories, friendships, and hope together. Please follow us on Facebook and Instagram for details.

I’m also still accepting donations for the Mom Shower happening on February 3rd, and I’m looking for four families to volunteer on February 14th to help us give roses to seniors and spread love.

I pray that you are well.

I pray that our leaders take courageous and compassionate steps forward.

I pray that we all take responsibility to protect, to advocate, to show up.

For those who want to stay in this country and do good, we must make that possible.

We all have a role. And together, we can choose humanity.

With hope,

Jeena

Namaste Brows and Boutique